True Blood Episode 7×01 “Jesus Gonna Be Here” Review

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Will Morning Ever Come? – “True Blood” Returns With An Explosive First Episode

Retract your fangs Trubies, because our favourite HBO vamp series is back for its seventh and final season. True Blood episode 7×01, titled “Jesus Gonna Be Here,” flung buckets of blood, violence and gore at viewers in the first 5 minutes – and it only got crazier from there. After one prominent Bon Temps resident gets a stake to the heart, the townspeople rally together against both ordinary vamps and Hep V Vamps alike. When Arlene, Holly and Sam’s Baby Mama are captured, Andy and Bill do their best to track down the nest in the hopes of rescuing these lost ladies. Meanwhile, Sookie finally stands up to the town’s backlash – and her own boyfriend’s – and Pam’s search for Eric takes her to Morocco. With car sex, meltdowns, annoying self-righteous nutters and three-ways with the devil, this episode of True Blood reminded viewers exactly what they’ve been missing. So – let’s bite into this episode shall we?

The Never-Ending Night

Say what you will about True Blood, but the show has balls. Killing off a main character in the first 5 minutes without so much as a “See ya later”? Damn, somebody start a bar tab. If she is dead (and without a DNA test we can’t be sure that mass of bodily fluids is Tara), then the writers certainly aren’t messing around this season. It’s crazy to think Lettie Mae has survived longer than her daughter (the religious nuts in this town are insanely resilient, no?), though it feels semi-okay because they made amends last season. Perhaps if Tara had died without that resolution, then we’d be more upset. Still, Lettie Mae is hardly the problem at the moment – no, that would be these masochistic Hep V Vamps. It stands to reason they’re being controlled by someone or something, especially when that random whistle had them hightailing it away from a perfectly meaty BBQ without so much as a pit stop. But who could it be? Will said creature be our big bad for this season? Hep V Leader or not, these vamps are certainly stirring up old feelings of resentment within Bon Temps. It’s interesting how some of the humans are willing to buddy-up with the ordinary vamps (like Lettie Mae’s hubby), while others continue to be a pain in the ass. Surely these people realise they can’t win this war on their own? Fortunately we have men like Andy Bellefleur who can put their differences aside in order to save the ones they love (bravo to Chris Bauer for that scene in the car with Stephen Moyer – it’s so nice to see Andy steadfast in his beliefs). Although whether that will be enough to save Arlene, Holly and Sam’s Baby Mama, only time will tell.

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I Am Sookie, Hear My Thoughts

Ain’t nobody denying that Sookie Stackhouse is a dumb, irritating, whiny little bitch (even if she is incredibly pretty), but goddamn if her outbursts weren’t satisfying in this episode. I’m surprised it’s taken her this long to explode all over the town (especially when her tendency is to run away… but wait, that hasn’t changed) and to take a bite out of Alcide. We might love the dizzyingly giant wolf and his sexy growl, but man he can be daft. It wasn’t enough that the entire town blames Sookie for the Hep V Vamps; you had to join them? Whatever happened to standing by your girl? Admittedly their reunion was sweet (how Sookie doesn’t ravage that man every night, I have no idea), and Anna Paquin had a chance to expose Sookie’s raw pain with her “fucking curse” speech which was good. But you’d think after 6 seasons of stupid decisions leading to countless near-death experiences and abrupt disappearances, the girl would have some sense NOT to walk home in the dark after a vamp-related massacre. Far out, she can be so self-righteous sometimes. I truly hope that by the end of this series, we have a reason to miss Sookie Stackhouse and her faerie drama. If the writers manage that, then perhaps her cockeyed choices will have been worth it. As for her relationship with Alcide, I fear it was doomed from the start. This episode didn’t admit outright that their romance is a lost cause, but it teased around the edges of a faltering love – and rather than cementing their future together, it showcased the cracks that one mighty crash could break. Which makes us wonder… will Eric be the one to separate them? Assuming he’s still alive, that is (if he’s not, I’m quitting this show right now). Anyway, let’s just enjoy a naked Joe Manganiello while we still have him, deal?

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Does Your God Love You?

If nothing else pleased you in this episode, then thank the gods for Pam and her gloriously typical badass self. It took us a while to figure out what on earth she was doing in Morocco (other than beating cocky religious vamps at Russian Roulette), but really, we shouldn’t have been surprised that Pam was still searching for her Maker. The whole plotline was a little sketchy – why was she so surprised at Eric’s supposed whereabouts? – but at least she hasn’t given up on him. Besides, Kristin Bauer van Straten reminded us why we love Pam and can’t get enough of her. From uttering “Go fuck yourself” to refusing to feed from a little girl, Bauer made us laugh and smile and want to offer our necks to Pam for dinner. It’s encouraging to know one of the characters on True Blood still has the capacity to keep us invested, although how long her story can last without Eric I’m not sure. Frankly, if they don’t make amends – especially after Pam stated “Everyone I love leaves, everyone I touch dies” – then it will be catastrophic for those of us who have loved their Maker-Child relationship from the start. Speaking of father-daughter issues, how’s Andy going to react when he comes home to find Jessica in their spare room? Strangely enough, I liked Deborah Ann Woll and Bailey Noble’s interactions in this episode. Of course their chat about boys made no sense in the middle of a vampire apocalypse, but it was refreshing for Jess to have a conversation unrelated to blood-sucking misery for once. It’s intriguing that Jess’s protectiveness over Adilyn has become borderline heroic (or should I say it’s made her a martyr?), although the notion isn’t so far-fetched considering she did eat all 3 of Adilyn’s sisters and now feels terrible about it. Their storyline will be a compelling one to follow this season (if neither of them dies in the process).

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I’m not sure what we were expecting of the season 7 premiere, but frankly I don’t think it was this bizarre compilation of events. It’s true the episode was a continuation of the season 6 finale, but aside from the BBQ massacre and Pam’s hunt for Eric, there wasn’t much else to satisfy our hiatus woes. Lafayette and James’s pity party felt uncomfortable and flat; writer Angela Robinson would have been better to focus on Arlene and Co’s plight – or heck, given us Eric Northman. There were aspects of this episode I enjoyed, like Pam’s Russian roulette fun in Morocco, Sookie giving Alcide what-for and Jessica’s heroic antics regarding Adilyn. But even Jason’s fine ass gyrating couldn’t redeem the scattered feel of “Jesus Gonna Be Here.” The ending was the worst part: it was like Robinson couldn’t decide where to pause the cassette tape so she just hit buttons at random until it cut off. On the other hand, there was some solid directing from Stephen Moyer in this episode – the Hep V Vamp attack was brutal and intriguingly displayed with Sookie’s slow motion vision, and when bill and Andy chanced upon the hanging bloody corpses there was a distinct chill in the air. I also loved the moment Jess launched through the Bellefluer’s front door and there was that breathless second where we weren’t sure if she would stick her fangs into Adilyn’s neck. On the whole, True Blood’s return was unfocused yet delicious in its sexually-charged and tender moments. Admittedly, I do love to hate this show and I have a feeling we’re going to have fun this season Trubies. Til next week!

Questions, Comments, Concerns…

  • RIP Tara. Again. I dunno, I’m with Lafayette on this one – I mourned her the first time she died. I guess it’s still brutal to be reduced to a mound of sloppy flesh. Have fun with the sexy ladies on the other side.
  • Of all the animals Sam could have turned into, he changed into his dog self?! I don’t know what’s more pathetic: that in a crisis he thinks floppy ears and a tail wag will help, or that he morphed back right in front of the bar. Sam, I know you’re stupid sometimes, but really? REALLY? Sigh. I need a drink.
  • I honestly thought somebody would have shot Vince in the chest before the end of this episode, and I very nearly reached through the screen and blasted Andy’s shotgun at him myself. Frig, somebody put that man out of his misery, please.
  • STILL WAITING ON ERIC NORTHMAN’S STATE OF BEING. IS HE ALIVE? SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME ELSE I CURL INTO A BALL AND NEVER LEAVE MY HOUSE AGAIN.
  • Hey Nathan Parsons, welcome to True Blood. FYI, your character is boring as all hell. Sorry L
  • Wait, who was the dead blonde Sookie chanced upon in her suicidal walk home? Do we know her? Do we care about her death?
  • Adilyn, chilling on the couch, contemplating her life choices. #LikeTheSceneForASoapOpera
  • Violet is a fucking crazy bitch and I have no idea what Jason sees in her.
  • Side note – hot damn, Ryan Kwanten is one fine piece of ass. I will never get sick of watching his writhing naked body even if it’s not pressed up against my own.
  • Errm, since when do vamps do drugs? Whatever, next time I want naked dancing around a bonfire. None of this depressing historical recollection shit.
  • Eric would be pissed to know what those Hep V Vamps have done to Fangtasia. Speaking of Eric… WHERE THE FUCK IS OUR FAVOURITE VIKING? *breathes* Calm yourself Jayne. Ahem.
  • Bill didn’t annoy me in this episode and I officially have no idea what is going on anymore.
  • So where’s Sarah Newlin at? She’s bound to pop up at some stage. She’s like a cockroach that woman.. just refuses to die.
  • What’d you guys think – did you like the season 7 premiere??

 True Blood Episode 7×02 “I Found You” airs Sunday JUNE 29 at 10/9c on HBO